Why the Holidays Feel Empty for High-Functioning People

by Darrin Pfannenstiel, J.D., M.Ed., LPC | Eros Counseling

In my work with professionals—attorneys, physicians, executives, and a small number of professional athletes, including players from the NFL and the WNBA—I’ve noticed a pattern that tends to emerge toward the end of the year. These are people whose lives are shaped by performance, responsibility, and a constant sense of obligation.

December is not a slow month for them. There are end-of-year deadlines, financial and performance targets, metrics that need to be met, and reviews to prepare for. On top of that comes a calendar full of holiday commitments—office parties, family gatherings, social events—many of which don’t really feel optional.

Some obligations are explicit.

Others are unspoken.

Either way, there’s pressure to show up, participate, and be in the holiday spirit—even when you don’t feel that way.

From the outside, these people look like they’re handling it well. Their lives look busy and intense, but manageable. They appear engaged, social, and even cheerful during the season.

And if you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you recognize yourself in that description.

Internally, though, something often shifts. You’re more irritable than usual. Less patient. Less emotionally present. You still show up, but it takes more effort. And even in moments that are supposed to feel meaningful, something can feel flat.

What this actually feels like during the holidays

What makes this so confusing is that the outside of your life can look fine while the inside feels off. There’s no obvious problem to point to. Nothing is clearly broken. And that’s when people tend to turn it inward.

What’s wrong with me?

Why does everyone else seem to be enjoying this more than I am?

So you fake it. You put on a cheerful face. You play the part. Inside, you don’t really feel that way. You’re tired. Irritable. Ready for the holidays to be over.

More often than not, this isn’t really about the holidays or the busy end of the year. It’s something that’s been lingering much longer—something that simply becomes harder to ignore during this season.

You may genuinely enjoy parts of it. You like seeing your kids open gifts. You appreciate time with your partner. You’re glad to have a break from work. And yet, when the noise settles, there’s still a sense of emptiness or unease that doesn’t match how things are supposed to feel.

You find yourself more reactive than usual. Less patient. Less emotionally present. Moments that should feel meaningful feel flat. You put on a good face, sometimes without even realizing you’re doing it, because it feels easier than admitting you’re not feeling what you think you should be feeling.

So the question becomes not “What’s happening?” but “Why can’t I just enjoy this like everyone else?”

What’s really going on

In my experience, this isn’t really about stress or the holidays themselves.

What’s usually happening is that people who are used to functioning at a high level have been living in response mode for a long time. Responding to work demands. Responding to expectations. Responding to other people’s needs. Doing what’s required next.

That way of living works. It produces results. It creates success.

But over time, it can quietly disconnect you from your own inner life. Life becomes more about obligation and less about choice. And because there’s always something urgent, that disconnect gets postponed.

When the pace slows just enough—often during the holidays—it becomes harder to ignore. Not because something new is wrong, but because something old finally has space to surface. Emotional fatigue. A quiet dissatisfaction. Or a question you rarely give yourself time to ask:

Why do I feel like this when, on paper, my life is fine?

Not dramatically.

But persistently.

What actually helps

At this point, most people aren’t looking for motivation or strategies to push harder. They’ve already tried that.

What helps is understanding why you’re feeling the way you do. Slowing things down enough to make sense of what’s happening inside of you. Putting clear language to something that’s been vague, unsettling, or easy to dismiss.

This is where I begin in my work with clients. We don’t start with fixing or optimizing. We start with paying attention. We take the internal experience seriously and map what’s been happening—often beneath awareness—for a long time.

When you can see the pattern clearly, something usually shifts. The feeling makes more sense. The self-blame softens. And you’re able to make more intentional choices, rather than continuing to react to the next obligation.

It’s less about forcing an answer and more like turning on a light in a room you’ve been navigating in the dark.

A next step

If you recognize yourself in this, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It usually means something important has been asking for your attention for a while.

If you’d like to talk about what you’re noticing and whether working together might be helpful, you’re welcome to schedule a consultation. We’ll start with a conversation and take it from there.